haori | Cough 059 - [Accidental Video]

[The sun is setting in the distance amidst the drizzle of rain as Ukitake's normal song continues playing for him. All week, Rick Astley has been serenading him and anyone else who's been close enough to hear, and yet the Shinigami hasn't seemed to get too tired of it yet. Yes, it's possible he's insane. But when he approaches the pond out front with the intention of feeding the fish, the song ends.

Ukitake pauses and looks around, his hand held out mid-act. Where's...the music?

And then, softly, a new song starts up. Ukitake doesn't move at first, but as the singer tells his story, he quickly sprinkles the food over the water's surface and then slips his hands inside his haori sleeves.

If one watches closely, they can see that his expression saddens. What a note to end the week on. But is he sad because of the song itself and the man involved in all the pain? Or is it because the lyrics can apply to himself?

The feed times out after a few moments of watching Ukitake stand there in the rain, the sun slipping quickly behind the clouds and horizon.]

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The way I see it, is that even though we'll return to the same moment from when we came, we have this time now to live for. It may not mean anything later, but after having been here for as long as I have, I couldn't imagine not living, not caring just to protect myself from hurt.

[He pauses for a moment.]

We'll hurt anyway, no matter how hard we try to protect ourselves. The trick is how we deal with it.

We'll have to go back and live this time all over again.

[He'd going back to being three months younger, to not heaving learned the things he had here. He was a better person because of the people he had met here. He didn't want to give that up.]

It makes choosing between the two even harder.

...I know.

I have to go back. They need me there.

But Kairi needs me to be here.

I hate to say it, but at the end of the day, we really have no choice.

Then we'll find one.

I want to go home, Ukitake. I want to see Sora again. But not if the people who want to stay here can't.

We can't always compromise.

Then maybe it's better if we're never given the choice.

And yet here we are.

What we do here is our choice. Actually being here isn't.

[He takes another piece of paper to start folding.]

[He smiles softly, before taking another piece of paper and beginning to fold.

He waits until it's done, sitting neatly next to the others before he speaks.]

The song (http://youtu.be/N93fdnjZjMI) they chose for me reminds me of him.

[He listens to Riku's song as he folds, a little more slowly since he's concentrating on two things now.

The lyrics are interesting, but he doesn't make any accusations regarding how they affect Riku and Sora, just a single assumption, which is probably obvious anyway.]

...You're very close to him, aren't you?

He's my best friend.

[At least that's all he was now.]

Mn.

[Silence.

And then:]

He was my boyfriend, when he was here before. I've been holding onto that since he left but I... think it's probably time I started letting go of it.

[He finishes a crane and starts to fold another one, but freezes at Riku's words.

And then Ukitake bows his head, slowly taking up the folding again.]

I'm sorry to hear that.

Which part?

Just that he's gone after what you had.

[A sigh and he shifts the way he sits to become more comfortable.]

But I have been in a similar situation, so I know where you are coming from in trying to move on.

It's been a month. Think it's time I got over it.

[He didn't of Sora as his boyfriend, anymore, but as his ex boyfriend. And that thought had been painful enough to employ.]

[He shakes his head.]

It doesn't depend only on time. If you are still attached, then you cannot always just force yourself to let go.

It's okay to hurt, to feel sad.

I'll always be attached to him. That's the problem.

And as you are his best friend, I would expect nothing less.

But as more than that.

Then, if he ever returns here, that is something you will have to figure out, if you choose to bring it up. In the meantime, don't let it weigh you down. If you feel you're ready to move on, then go ahead, but don't force yourself.

[Another crane done.]

You're still here and you're still living. I would hate for you to miss out on life because of being chained to the uncertain.

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