haori | Cough 050

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Cough 050 - [Video]

[This week sees Ukitake in battle mode...at least when it comes to the snowball fight. This is serious business, after all, folks. He has hair pulled back in a ponytail once again, his hair tied with his red scarf. Yes, he's announcing his team affiliation, but he has faith in himself that he can take anything you people throw at him.]

I wonder if the Animus have anything nastier up their sleeves after this. This almost seems too carefree for them.

[He shakes his head and grins.]

But until then, let's enjoy this! We all need to unwind, I think.

[Private//Unhackable to Unohana]

I have received word from Hitsugaya-taichou that a new arrival by the name of Riddle has the potential to be as dangerous as Aizen. He is not to be trusted, but if you must come into contact with him, I beg you to be careful.

[Private//Unhackable to Jr.]

You haven't been sleeping well lately. I'm worried about you.

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[He's quiet for a while, waiting for Jr. to say anything, but if he doesn't, he decides he'll speak up.]

*He doesn't speak for a while, just huddling over his fire. He doesn't even look up from it when he does speak.* I'm supposed to be a leader, someone people can look up to. But I can't do a damn thing to help the people here. I couldn't stop that demon, I couldn't stop Rhode, I couldn't even protect myself from her and let Albedo suffer because of it. And when Aizen attacked...I didn't do a damn thing because I didn't give a crap about anything but my missions and the URTVs when I was younger!

*As his temper flares near the end, he fireball also gets bigger and less controlled.*

[Ukitake listens, letting him get everything out without interrupting him. But when that fireball gets bigger, he sends gentle waves of his reiatsu toward Jr., hoping to calm him down.]

None of us can save everyone. You're not the world's savior, even if it would make you feel better if you could do such a thing. Part of life is accepting our faults and moving on, not being dragged down with them.

But I haven't been able to save anyone! Nothing I've done has made a damn bit of difference!

So you would give up? Not continue becoming stronger, not fighting for what is right?

Of course not! That's why I'm sparring with so many people...but no matter how much stronger I get, I still can't touch the Animus. I can't stop them from messing with our heads and I can't stop them from taking people away and making them forget. *And now the fireball shrinks, even smaller than it was before.*

[Ukitake gently squeezes Jr.'s shoulder.]

None of us can touch the Animus. None of us can keep people from leaving or forgetting. You're not alone in this.

How many more people am I gonna lose before we find a way to get to them? How many more people are gonna get hurt because I'm not good enough, or because of my mistakes?

I don't have the answer to that. And you shouldn't dwell on it if it will only bring you this much pain.

I can't stop thinking about it...besides, every time I let my guard down or get too comfortable, something else happens.

]Ukitake wraps his arm around Jr.'s shoulders, bringing him in close.]

Lift the burden off your shoulders. Accept that you have limitations, but also friends who can and will help you move on from them.

*He dismisses the fireball and leans against Ukitake, clinging tightly to his haori and sobbing.* I can't-it's my fault when I can't help someone. Besides, I have to ma-make up for everything that I ca-caused.

[Ukitake wraps the blanket around Jr.'s shoulders.]

The world doesn't rest on just your shoulders. No one is capable of handling that pressure.

[He rests his chin on Jr.'s head, rubbing his back.]

And sometimes...the best way to atone is simply to express how sorry you are.

That won't bring them back...wo-won't undo everything Albedo's been through because I lost my head when it mattered...it won't make up for everyone the URTVs killed during the Miltian Conflict...

No...it won't. But neither will always blaming yourself.

*He just...doesn't have any words and keeps on sobbing.*

[Ukitake holds him, not urging him to speak or stop crying or anything. But after a few moments, Ukitake spoke up, looking out over the city.]

I had a lieutenant, once, up until a few years ago, a friend, Shiba Kaien. I also have a subordinate who looked up to him, who looked up to his wife. But one day a monster invaded Soul Society and Kaien's wife was killed. He asked me for permission to go after the monster and I granted it, letting him go out alone because of my beliefs on fighting for pride.

...His body was taken over by the monster and he landed on my subordinate's sword. She was horrified.

[He shakes his head, trying to keep the memory of that night from overwhelming him too much.]

Even now, after three, four years, I think of that and how I could have saved him, though it would have shamed him. But I watched a friend die and I didn't do a single thing. It haunts me, even if he would have said I was justified. His blood is not only on my subordinate's hands, but on my own, and that is a fact I must accept and live with.

A personal fight is a personal fight...I...Albedo went insane because of me. He got infected with U-DO because I was too damn scared to do anything. It wasn't because he didn't want my help, it was because I was a goddamn coward. And all of the other URTVs that were there...they were all infected, and Nigredo almost died because I got scared and broke the link keeping us safe. It's all my fault and I don't even have a reason like being asked to stay out of it.

Fear is a natural emotion experienced among fighters, young and old alike. That doesn't make you responsible for everything that may not go right in your life. You work hard to overcome that fear and use that memory as an inspiration to do better in the future, not to drag you down.

Bu-but they were all counting on me and...and...I let them all down and everything Albedo did because of U-DO is my fault. I promised I'd never leave anyone behind again...but then chaos and Jin...I should've stayed back with them, I knew MOMO would be safe, but I let him take my Asher on his own anyway...

[Ukitake holds him tight and speaks quietly.]

Stop this. Your friends would not want you to hurt. Squall wouldn't want you to hurt.

*His breath catches at the mention of Squall and he slowly lets go of Ukitake's haori with one hand to wrap it around his necklace instead.* I just...I feel so damn helpless.

Whether you are or whether you aren't means nothing. How you move on from that knowledge is what matters.

*He's silent for a long moment, but when he speaks, his tone is low and deadly serious.* When we find a way to get to the Animus, I'm going to kill them.

[Ukitake isn't sure that will ever happen, and even if it does, he isn't sure if anyone could kill them.]

...Hm.

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books-n-battle.livejournal.com - 2011-01-14 05:02 (UTC) - Expand

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