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Cough 059 - [Accidental Video]
[The sun is setting in the distance amidst the drizzle of rain as Ukitake's normal song continues playing for him. All week, Rick Astley has been serenading him and anyone else who's been close enough to hear, and yet the Shinigami hasn't seemed to get too tired of it yet. Yes, it's possible he's insane. But when he approaches the pond out front with the intention of feeding the fish, the song ends.
Ukitake pauses and looks around, his hand held out mid-act. Where's...the music?
And then, softly, a new song starts up. Ukitake doesn't move at first, but as the singer tells his story, he quickly sprinkles the food over the water's surface and then slips his hands inside his haori sleeves.
If one watches closely, they can see that his expression saddens. What a note to end the week on. But is he sad because of the song itself and the man involved in all the pain? Or is it because the lyrics can apply to himself?
The feed times out after a few moments of watching Ukitake stand there in the rain, the sun slipping quickly behind the clouds and horizon.]
Ukitake pauses and looks around, his hand held out mid-act. Where's...the music?
And then, softly, a new song starts up. Ukitake doesn't move at first, but as the singer tells his story, he quickly sprinkles the food over the water's surface and then slips his hands inside his haori sleeves.
If one watches closely, they can see that his expression saddens. What a note to end the week on. But is he sad because of the song itself and the man involved in all the pain? Or is it because the lyrics can apply to himself?
The feed times out after a few moments of watching Ukitake stand there in the rain, the sun slipping quickly behind the clouds and horizon.]
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Oh...
So, then... not long after... that night.
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Three years. Though I believe it's five, now.
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Such a difference in times...
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Mn.
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That week, here, you had a Hollow inside of you too.
[It's less question, and more statement of fact, but she doesn't want to push too far into uncomfortable territory without his approval.]
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You did, as well?
[He doesn't know, having isolated himself for the few days he was alive that week, then obviously not being around when Rukia had publicly broadcasted.
Though it makes him sad that if she went through anything similar to what he did, then she had been in some sort of pain, even if it wasn't entirely physical.]
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Yes... Different Hollows, but, yes.
[She, unfortunately, remembers all too well, all that bloodshed, and then afterward... She lost her vice-captain to a Hollow, and her captain to nothing more than a madman. It doesn't seem fair... So she turns her mind away from that thought.
I suppose I know now how Ichigo must feel though...
[It's an off-hand comment, before she remembers he's from a time long before Ichigo, and shakes her head.]
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[That's all he says for a moment, before sipping his tea. He lets the Ichigo comment go, knowing he won't be able to say anything of value concerning his condition, not without truly knowing the man.]
The balance isn't there, not as it should be. There's a constant battle for dominance and in the end nobody really wins.
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[She's uncertain, but she really does know how Ichigo must feel most of the time, with that struggle goig on inside his head all the time...]
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[A lot of work. And pain. Ukitake can still hear Metastacia's voice in his head, saying horrible things, how it ate Shinigami.
Including Shiba Miyako...
He shakes his head, clearing those thoughts from his mind.]
You never should have gone through that. I am deeply sorry that you did.
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Does he mean Kaien? It's her who should be apologizing in that case...]
Which part, sir?
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[And everything. When he thinks about it, he's been a pretty horrible captain. Sick more often than not, keeping her from a seated position on behalf of her brother.
...And Miyako, Kaien.]
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Sir, my Hollow... I had encountered it the first time long before I even thought of becoming a shinigami. There is nothing you have to apologize for--it was you... I remember, even though it all never happened, it was you who argued for me to remain as a part of the Gotei 13, even after. So, I supposed I should be thanking you, if anything, sir.
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Think nothing of it.
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Yes, sir.
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Except it feels anything but. And Ukitake doesn't feel right leaving something unsolved, or at least untouched.
...Besides, if anyone can understand his own pain, it's Rukia. But he's already been the cause for her unhappiness once, so what right does he have to bring it up again?
Still, he's her captain. This is his responsibility. So he lets out a breath and softens his voice, his face falling on its own.]
You're...thinking of him, aren't you?
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[He probably means Kaien, she figures, in which case the answer is mostly true, given the way her thoughts keep wandering between her vice-captain and another 'him'.]
It would be hard not to... especially on a day like this.
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Sadness and guilt.]
If you resent me for that night, I won't hold it against you.
...I know I do.
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Sir... I have no right to resent you for that night. I was the one who left the division without a lieutenant, without him, after what happened but...
Kaien-dono left his heart with me. I cannot resent nor regret that much...
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I let him go, despite not knowing enough about the situation. And I put you in that position. Ultimately the blame falls on my shoulders.
If there is one...morsel of relief I can cling to regarding everything, it's that he fell in battle, undoubtedly as he wished.
[But Ukitake leans back in the chair and stares at the tabletop. He still considers the blood to be on his hands, even if none of it physically was.]
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He died in battle, defending that, and with friends. He... once told me I should never die alone. I still carry the weight of his death, but I carry those words as well.
[They're going to have to argue about whose fault it was exactly until the end of time, it seems, but.]
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He closes his eyes now, feeling moisture well up in his eyes. And then he braves a smile.]
...The heart, was it?
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